Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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