either way he was missing a nipple.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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