Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
