so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This house was built for laser tag.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
