dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
