You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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