Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
