Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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