I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
