I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize