I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
