I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
