Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
