We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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