We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
