would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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