Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
