nut hugger
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
People in love make me want to vomit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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