So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
