babies were throwing up all over the place
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
