i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
