he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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