btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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