I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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