I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
