I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize