when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize