listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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