I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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