Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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