My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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