So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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