I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize