Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
