Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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