just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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