We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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