Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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