It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
