okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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