her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize