honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
