Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
