Duck Duck Cougar?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
