Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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