I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
