I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
