So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
