and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
