Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
love makes seman taste better
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
