Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
