Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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