Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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