Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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