I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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