that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
