Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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