I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize