That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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