Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
