yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
