wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
