Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
