Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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