So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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