Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
