Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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