Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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